Once upon a time, Charlie used to enjoy instant coffee. However, he fell in love with her badass sister over the years.
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Taaaaarnation! Milking oats is tiring past decency since them buckaroos will fight ya if ya bring patience along but their product goes down real swell with coffee. Yeeeee-Haw!
Hold on now, I know what thought galloped to the ridge of your mind when you read my statement. You were thinkin', "Oh my Prairies! Charlie, ain't it a bit late to be drinkin' a cup of Joe?" Why, you tootin' right it is! So thank ya lucky saddles that I'm drinkin' a bit late rather than too late. Here are the highlights of Charlie's experience at the Palm Beach County Courthouse today! And please excuse his hair; it's been dancing with the wind.
Sometimes it takes me a while to register that which is spoken to me.
The latest instance transpired this afternoon at my place of occupation: [Tuesday, circa 1:00 PM; Location = A neighborhood cafè.] (Squeak! Squeak! Kerplash! Charlie is washing the dishes as if he were a parent and they his children's mouths who recently brought forth a marathon of particularly salty words). (Boss Chef walks away from his delectable creations in progress and utters the following as he passes by Charlie... Chef Boss: "You're the best!" (Charlie fumbles out a response in his bashfulness as he etches a small yet luminous smile upon himself). Charlie: "Thank you." (Charlie notices that Chef Boss stroll is continuing towards the basil. Charlie's mind corrects what his ears received. Too late, he realizes that Chef Boss really said...) Chef Boss: "I need basil." ⭐⭐⭐ [This reminds Charlie of another time about two weeks ago.] [Location: Same place. Chef Boss is in the kitchen and Charlie is in the dining room with a customer.] Customer: Does Chef Boss still have his dog? (Unfortunately, Charlie heard "Da, la, ne, la?") Charlie: "I'm sorry. What did you say?" Customer: "DA...LA...NE....LA?" (Charlie waits, hoping that his brain will decipher what it has garbled. Thankfully, a coherent sentence forms. He's still not fully certain what Customer asked, and he has to fill in a couple gaps, yet he doesn't want to embarrass himself by asking the person to repeat themself again. The phrase Charlie is pretty sure Customer asked is: "Is it [my food] still on its way?" Charlie: "Yes! We just had to find the cheese. Don't worry, Chef Boss found it! It's on the way." (As Fate would have it, Charlie's brain rendered the Customer's inquiry to completion a second or two after he finished speaking. Charlie's effort to save face is to be silent and act like his response to the question was absolutely normal.) - Written by C.A. Nicholas - Photo by Pexels Author's Note: My boss does compliment my work frequently. Once upon a time, when I was near the age of 6 and my sister around the age of half past 4, my sister asked me "what's a virgin?"
With the classy demeanor of a know-it-all, I answered her question with gusto: "Silly! Don't you know that a Virgin is someone from Virginia!?" ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ Photograph by: Devanath. Photo edited by: C.A. Nicholas Roughly 23 hours ago at "The Habit Burger Grill"...
I requested a garlic burger while my Dad ordered a teriyaki burger. Our food arrived and my Dad left our table to gather some ketchup. I decided to go ahead and eat as I awaited his return. I took multiple bites of my burger and marvelled at how much it tasted like teriyaki. Ps, the photograph is from habitburger.com and it is slightly edited by me. Why do we insist on staying up late during the night even if we have to wake up early in the morning? Especially when we know our behavior is going to make us exhausted throughout the day as if we sprinted to the ocean to ward off a lion....only to be instantly pursued by Jaws until we crawled onto an island...only to immediately run for our lives from a giant lizard named Godzilla.
⭐ ⭐ ⭐ Photograph by Daria Shevtsova Photograph enhanced by C.A. Nicholas In honor of President's Day, I shall share with you a story about George and Harry. This true story is 100% disputed.
December 25th, 1777 General George and his men are on one of Pennsylvania's shores. They are about to cruise across the Delaware to throw a surprise for their rivals in New Jersey. George observes his downcast troops who are shivering from the brutal weather. He walks over to the rear of his boat to where Harry the artillery chief is sitting. Harry looks at George as he approaches, perhaps ready to follow battle commands... George Washington hollers, "Shift your fat ass Harry, before you swamp the damn boat!" Harry might be crying but if he is, it is from laughter. He and the troops are guffawing as they set off for New Jersey. Their spirits are lifted. * * * Sources: 1) https://www.trussel.com/hf/washwit.htm 2) http://www.coopertoons.com/merryhistory/washingtonandknox/georgeandhenry.html Narrator: Charlie decided to wear a scarlet shirt today. Too late, he remembered that red is the mascot color for Valentine's Day. Charlie is a nincompoop and his despondency is soap opera worthy. He's sitting on a bench underneath the blazing sun as he types this on his phone. Let's tune in to what he has to say...
Charlie: "Today has been and continues to be a stark reminder of my near two decade's worth of singleness. I had a girlfriend...once...when I was in first or second grade...my love for her was epic. Epically platonic." Narrator: Charlie is a nincompoop. Charlie: "Hey! I am. I would have felt guilty for speaking the truth to her but I should have been honest with her." Narrator: What else does Charlie have to say as he continues to talk about himself in the third person? Charlie: "Valentine's Days are perfect holidays for couples, Disney worthy dreams for idealistic singles, and twenty-four hours of enhanced nihilism for imprisoned loners." Narrator: I told you that Charlie's nihilism is melodramatic. Well, audience, as the curtain is about to close upon this scene, Charlie has one last thing to say to you. Charlie: "If there's anyone listening, please know that regardless of my situation, I truly am appreciative for the couples out there." (Charlie bows to emptiness perhaps, as he wonders if he is his only audience). End Scene. ♦Author's Note: One is unhealthy if they are incapable of laughing at one's self.♦ So I entered my college bookstore in search of a remedy. You see, my stiff jeans were loosening their grip upon my waist this morning. So to prevent my own pants from pantsing me, to prevent them from sliding to the floor, I set out to purchase a belt. I was glad to have found one.
I grabbed it and a few seconds later, I was blown away. Not because it suddenly spoke some wisdom or because it magically adjusted to my waist just right...Though with what I'm about to reveal, you may wonder if this belt has some magic ability. You see, I was blown away because when I went to the counter, I was told that this stretch of cloth and metal cost $48!!!! Did belts become an endangered species!? I could have smiled as I told the cashier, "nevermind," but I was still quite aware of my drooping jeans. So I smiled and paid for the belt. I teared up a bit after my purchase, wondering, "Has my bank account now gone the way of the dinosaurs: Extinct?" This will be the last time that I forget to put on my belt before leaving the house. |
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