How can I receive just as much love as that which you bestow upon others within our circle and that which they shower on you in equal measure? How do I do this without sacrificing my identity to conformity or in the absence of concealing my melancholia with a manufactured smile during the times when it overshadows my joy and yours? Is it even possible to be equally loved if conversations are difficult for me to initiate and sustain?
Those are the questions which violently course through the shy souls of those who are assaulted by low self-esteem.
Photograph by: fsHH
Photo edited slightly by: C.A. Nicholas
What most individuals don't know about chronic depression/anxiety is that the emotional pain from it is so intense that it manifests as physical pain. It also, at times, unleashes a freezing cold within those who have it.
Dear you, if you have chronic depression & anxiety, do not be ashamed. The essences of temporary sadness and conditional stress are nothing compared to the complexities of depression/anxiety. I realize that one must deal with it moment by moment, not to mention day by day. It flows within your souls, oftentimes even beneath your moments of joy. It can sometimes overwhelm your senses so much that you can have moments where you are near emotionless, although numbness doesn't arrive for all of you. Some of you are good at hiding your pain through various personas while others aren't so successful in their attempts at concealment (though not everyone who looks "down" or stressed is depressed or anxious either).
Depression is an agonizing sadness from the past which collides into the present, while anxiety is a raging fear in the present that rushes into the future. Having both is to contend with a hellish entity. Yet many with depression/anxiety are amongst empaths; the most understanding (and often the most compassionate) of souls.
Ps, let it be known that I do not minimize the oppressions of those without depression/anxiety. Depressed/anxious or not, we all have our struggles, equal in their intensity though they may be different in nature.
Photograph by: werner22brigitte
Photo edited by: C.A. Nicholas
Roughly 23 hours ago at "The Habit Burger Grill"...
I requested a garlic & avocado burger while my Dad ordered a teriyaki & pineapple burger. Our food arrived and my Dad left our table to gather some ketchup. I decided to go ahead and eat as I awaited his return. I took multiple bites of my burger and marvelled at how much it tasted like teriyaki and pineapple.
Ps, the photograph is from habitburger.com and it is slightly edited by me.
I started cursing in 3rd grade because I thought it would impress the ladies. I did make an impression. After all, a puny little kid saying "shite" at the most benign things as if he were verbally "giving the bird" to all the true injustices in the world does have a humorous effect.
I still frequently curse nowadays...but silently. At what? I curse situations as if curse words were spells which could make everything all right, I curse poor inanimate objects as if they were the masters of my misfortunes, and I curse Charlie out as if I weren't talking to myself.
Photograph by AngieToh
Photo edited slightly by C.A. Nicholas
Why do we insist on staying up late during the night even if we have to wake up early in the morning? Especially when we know our behavior is going to make us exhausted throughout the day as if we sprinted to the ocean to ward off a lion....only to be instantly pursued by Jaws until we crawled onto an island...only to immediately run for our lives from a giant lizard named Godzilla.
Photograph by Daria Shevtsova
Photograph enhanced by C.A. Nicholas
"...We must choose between what is right and what is easy."
- J.K. Rowling; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
"There is no one who is inherently good though every individual is naturally sacred.
Every one is intrinsically selfish in some way. Even those whom do good innately expect good to be done unto them even if not right away. We dole our cruelty unto others directly through deeds such as humiliation, indirectly through actions such as self-harm, or by a solution of the two.
Yet forgiveness is at every moment crying out to be accessed via authentic remorse for the inhumanity we have done to others while forgiveness also yearns to be accepted for ourselves.
Most people intrinsically love some others yet all are meant to go against their natures by unconditionally loving every soul including one's own."
- Charlie Avinash Nicholas
"In the Law there are many commands, such as, 'Be faithful in marriage. Do not murder. Do not steal. Do not want what belongs to others.' But all of these are summed up in the command that says, 'Love others as much as you love yourself.'
Love is kind and patient,
never jealous, boastful,
proud, or rude.
Love isn’t selfish
or quick tempered.
It doesn’t keep a record
of wrongs that others do.
Love rejoices in the truth,
but not in evil.
Love is always supportive,
- Romans 13:9 and 1 Corinthians 13:4-7